Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Setback

183 on the scale today. Is this serious? Did I really eat that much over the weekend? Is the scale just fucking with me? Who knows, but I have my bag packed up and in the car so I can hit the gym after work. I had 3 holiday parties over the weekend so that might be a contributor. Just have to remember that a setback today doesn't mean I should throw up the white flag. I mean, if the US military had given up after every lost battle I probably wouldn't be speaking English today.

I'm not being very reckless lately either. Maybe I'm not making much of an effort. Maybe I'm just a little reckless by nature already? I mean, I do make choices that others don't usually make. I'm definitely more reckless that I used to be. I used to not be able to go anywhere by myself. I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to find the place I was going or that I would miss the people I was going to meet up with. Now I'm fine heading out and even ok with being early and finding a place to hang before my friends arrive. I'm even ok with showing up to brand new events, like golf league or knitting, without knowing a single soul before I go. I feel that I still need to do more though, and I think that I sometimes am going to have to make my own opportunities rather than just taking the more reckless option of the two presented to me.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Still here

So the blog's been a little quiet the last couple of days. I've noticed it's harder to be reckless during the week when you work the normal 9-5 (or 7:30 – 4 as I do). Still flirting with the guy on the floor, need to exercise those muscles. Not that I'm not a huge flirt, I'm just not a very good intentional flirter. And now that he's flirting back I think I've got it down. It's harmless though, I don't get with married men and I don't wreck marriages. I once had a married man tell me he would leave his wife for me, I said absolutely not. First, we didn't have a relationship to start with so who knows if we were even compatible. Second, I can't take that kind of pressure. I mean, it's a lot of pressure on your relationship knowing that someone left a marriage for it. Third, I don't want the other person to have that trump card. You know, when you're arguing or having a disagreement and someone throws out "well, I left my wife(husband) for you!" as a sort of argument to end all arguments. No, if you are unhappy in your marriage, do something about that. Don't use me as an excuse.

As I was leaving for a holiday party last night one of the boys was teasing me, taking on the parenting role, asking if there "was going to be any boys there?" Sadly, except for the wait staff there was none. And yes, I love hanging out with the girls but I need to remember to also do more things that are less segregated as well. Not a huge moment of revelation but something to keep in mind.

Well, I'm taking a half day today to go get my hair done, bake some cookies and make an appetizer for another holiday party (no, there won't be any boys there either!) It's nice to have an afternoon off every once in a while. I need to remember that as well.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wendy - Day Whatever

I haz posting privlidges - Yay Me!

From 12/7 at 9:30am:

So, I'm sitting here with a head full of curlers. Why? Because today, I'm doing my hair. Good for me. Now, whether it looks good will be determined later. But it's a step forward, right?

Scale said 246.4 this morning. WOOT!!!!! I need to lose some serious poundage before the hubs and I go to Orlando in January. This is the first time in my life that I've ever been worried about being able to comfortably ride rides. That scares the hell out of me. Usually, I shy away from certain roller coasters, because I have a weak stomach and the big drops are scary to me. But if I'm being reckless, then I need to lose the weight and have NO excuses for not stepping out of my comfort zone and taking the plunge (so to speak).

Flashforward to TODAY, 12/9:

My hair looked good. I'll have to curl it more often. :-) I've got a hair appointment set for the end of the month at Aveda so that I have an even better chance of having good looking hair. The cut is just awful right now!!

A note about pants: When you have long legs and a short waist, every pair is "high-water." I sure am sick of that!!! The pants I'm wearing today are particularly bad. *sigh* So, after the holidays, I'm going shopping. I may need my friends with me for moral support. I'm also thinking about making myself some clothes. Then I could customize them abnd they would be a bit cheaper than buying everything new at the store (especially since I'm hoping to lose 100lbs!)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Not much recklessness going on here


The weather is blah and so am I. I managed to at least put on SOME clothes before I left the house, only because I knew it was freezing cold outside. Sat in traffic in the dark to come in.

Why is it when I wake up at 3 am it takes me a half hour or so to fall back asleep but when the alarm goes off at 6:30 I can consistently fall back asleep before my 5 minute snooze goes off again? Horseshit I say.

Not much to update today but I'm doing it anyway because I'm pretty bored at work. I got a mention on my flirting with the cute guy on the floor. For some reason my boss thinks it's the guys on the floor that hold me up, not the other way around. Fine with me that he thinks that! I have realized I'm pretty lucky in life. Basically, I'm not that good of a girl, I just rarely get caught.

I did step on the scale this morning and I'm at the same spot as yesterday. I think once I kick this stupid cold and get rid of the 3 lbs of concrete in my sinuses that will help. I didn't make it to the gym yesterday (I felt wrecked) but I still have stuff in the car to go today. I'll probably just bake some chicken and taters for dinner tonight.

Oh, and watch the Sing Off. I watched it last year and it was awesome, and I'm so glad they did a second season. Yay!


Oh, and one more thing to add. Another reason to be reckless: I went and picked up my BCP last night, and it was a 3 month supply for free! Love it!

Monday, December 6, 2010

I’m not freaking counting the days anymore

I think the most reckless thing I might do today is drive into work. I went to the football game yesterday, and sitting in freezing temps for hours is always a great idea when you're sick. I met up with the ex (since he had the tickets) at his place and we just sat around drinking a couple of beers before his friends finally showed up at like 12:30. Bummer because I really like tailgating. We stopped at his bar (his bar as in where he is a regular, not where he owns the place) and had a drink before heading to the stadium. It only snowed about the whole time we were there. Had a couple of more beers there, and one of the vendors sold me 2 beers for a total of $9 so I scored there. I'm pretty sure he accidentally rang them up as sodas but I sure wasn't going to complain! Anyway, the boys left the game earlier than we did, so we told them we'd just meet them back at the bar. Had another couple of drinks and flirted with a cute guy who happens to also be a regular there. Sadly, not much to be done about that in front of the ex though.

I weighed in this morning at 178. Whoops, bet it was the pizza and the beer and the super delicious French fries. But you have to have a day off every once in a while so I'll just work on getting back on track this week. Speaking of super delicious French fries, I may never get to have them again. I left my number for the cute bartender there who always remembers me and give me free drinks and discounts. I had instigators on that so I've decided if I don't get a phone call that the two of them are going to have to deliver the world's most delicious French fries to me whenever I want them.

I have a feeling this post is going to be badly written and discombobulated. After the game, some food and an hour nap I went to be about 8 pm. And I laid in bed, sleepy but not sleeping, until 1 when I finally decided I was hungry and went downstairs to eat an apple. I decided that the coughing was what was keeping me up so I took some mucinex and drank a glass of water and put on my sleep mask and finally fell asleep about 2. Four and a half hours later my alarm went off. So sick being sick on no sleep makes me really stupid. In fact, I packed up a gym bag for after work (really? I'm going to go to the gym like this? Seriously) and brought into work when I got here. No idea why I felt I needed it at my desk but whatever.

PICTURES! I know, but there's no good way for me to get them into blog posts from work. Unless I send the picture straight to flickr from my phone, I can't upload crap with the bandwidth they have here. Will need to blog more from home.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 2!


Well, day one was pretty good as far as being reckless is concerned. I also weighed in at 177.2 today woot! I met up with the most recent ex or a drink under the pretense of getting my stuff back. Yeah, he didn't even bring my things, he said it was because he hadn't washed them yet. Stalling tactic on his part maybe? Who knows. I did something a little reckless though. After I made him walk me to my car (it was only a block away and I was in downtown at 11pm) we kind of sort of maybe kissed a little bit. IDK what that means, maybe a couple of drinks clouds my judgment (ok, it definitely does) but all I know is that my feelings haven't changed. And as far as I'm concerned I'm not interested in getting back together or anything at this point.



I did fail at my other vow though, I didn't take my camera with me, which was too bad, because Johnny Gomes was there at McCormick's being eaten alive by a bachelorette party from Mason. On a side note, if any of my friends thinks that having a bachelorette party for me on a Thursday night in downtown Cincinnati is a good idea, we may not be friends anymore. Anyway, McCormick's is right across from Fountain Square and it looked so pretty with the tree and the ice rink and the lights I wished I could have taken a picture. I might be able to find my way back there sometime soon and snap one though. Rest assured, I do have my camera fully charged and ready to go now, which isn't much because I'm at work.


I'm also thinking I might break another vow tonight. I have a head cold and the boys are just going to their friend's apartment to drink. Shockingly enough now that I've hit my 30's I have no interest in going to some tiny apartment in Clifton to drink too much cheap beer with a bunch of 23 year olds, so I'm thinking I might just stay on the couch and knit. I know, I specifically said I would not do this so much but the other option is not so much reckless as it is just flat unappealing. The funny thing today, I went to the dermatologist and had them remove a mole on my neck (just because it was annoying, not because it looked bad or anything) and the nurse was giving me instructions on how to care for the area. She said not to get it wet for 24 hours but "you probably will because you'll probably get dressed up to go out tonight. You look like that type." I'm not sure if this was an insult or not but I'm taking it as a compliment, because I look like someone who has fun at least. I think it's the eyeliner. But if anyone has another more appealing option for me to get into tonight let me know, because I'm not dead set yet! I don't want to stay out super late and get slizzered because I want to get some stuff done tomorrow though. Buying tons of liquor as Christmas gifts at the Party Source is pretty high on that list, I don't know if I can accomplish that if I'm too hungover!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Wendy – Day 1

Sorry, Wendy, you're getting your own blog post. This way it's recorded for reals on the main page, not buried in the comment. That makes it legit, and you are now accountable! Ha ha.

"Emily, I'm totally on board . . .

I'm ready to step out of my comfort zone. I'm ready to lose 30lbs (+70lbs). So, here goes:

Out of my comfort zone:
**Here it is, my actual weight: 250lbs. I had been hovering around 230lbs up until a few weeks ago and then BLAM, 20 extra pounds. I'm uncomfortable. My clothes don't fit. I wheeze after taking a flight of stairs. My long term goal is 150lbs, but for now, I'll start with losing 30lbs.
**I'm going to learn how to skate Roller Derby, even though it scares the crap out of me. It's about time I got a hobby that requires me to be athletic.
**I will start dressing in the way I want to and not in the way I have to (meaning, I will go buy myself some cute clothes - haha).
**I will start doing my hair in the morning. I'm good at putting on makeup, but not so good with the hair.

I'm sure more will come to me as we go along, but I think that's a good start. "

And I agree, it is a good start. Wendy, you get into roller derby and I'll come to the matches. There, that's a bit reckless for me!

Ask for some gift cards for Christmas, hopefully soon after we'll have some shopping to do!

Day 1

So today is day 1 in my 30 lbs and reckless challenge. I’m going to try to do something reckless 5 days a week and I’m going to do something with my health 6 days a week. Notice I didn’t say diet. I don’t think diets work. You get to be the weight you are by eating and burning a consistent number of calories a day. Yes, if you go on a “diet” you lose weight by eating less calories than before, but once you go back to your previous eating habits your weight is going to go right back to where it was. Your body is like a funnel in which you pour sand. The sand going in is the calories going in, and the sand coming out the bottom of the funnel is the calories going out. You can change the amount of sand by either changing the rate at which you pour the sand in or change the rate of the sand flowing out. Making a temporary change will change the amount of sand in the funnel, but when you go back to the previous rates, eventually the amount of sand returns to the same level as before. So we’re talking lifestyle change here.

I guess I should mark for myself a starting point of sorts. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to post my weight and be brutally honest about it. I’ve always lied about my weight, even when I was in high school and reporting my weight to my swim coach on a weekly basis I told him I was 115 whether I was above or below that. 115 was the minimum he’d allow me to be at, which isn’t much on my 5’9” frame. My freshman year of college I lost 5 lbs thanks to a rigorous training schedule and a bout of mono courtesy of a cute member of the soccer team. Eventually I gained that back, along with another 20 some odd pounds. But still, 135 is pretty small for 5’9”. I used to prance around the pool deck in my Speedo, (size 26 TYVM, which I had to shop for in the children’s department) and a pair of men’s boxer briefs. Until my boxer briefs inexplicably disappeared during one meet. Still pretty sure someone on my team swiped them so I wouldn’t wear them anymore. So enough of looking back fondly on that body I was too na├»ve to appreciate. Where am I now? Well, I weighed myself this morning at 178.2. I never thought I’d be so close to 200 lbs. But still, I weighed myself 2 days ago at 181.8 so I’ve made a pretty good start so far.

As for being reckless I failed at looking cute today. I didn’t wash my hair let alone do it and it now is confined into its normal “messy bun on the lower right side of my head” style. I’m wearing cords and a sweater I knit myself and never actually put a zipper in. I did put on makeup and got a little reckless with some eyeliner, which I normally don’t wear to work. Grey though, black eyeliner on a weekday is a bit too reckless for me still. But on the seriously reckless side, I am going to go to have drinks tonight with my most recent ex. Hey, I want my stuff back, particularly my yoga pants and my sorority sweatshirt, and this seemed like a good way to get it. On the even more reckless side, I am going to the Bengals game with him this weekend. Turns out most of his friends and family like me more than him (hey, I do too!) and a friend he knows wanted to give them to him but only if he was going to take that “seriously cute” girlfriend of his. I really can’t argue with that, and when my options are going to the game with him or staying at home by myself and not watching it on tv because it likely won’t be on, I’m going to pick the game. And he’s not a bad guy, we just make much better friends than we did a couple. Plus, football games are full of cute sports and beer loving guys J might meet one there.

I’ve decided what this blog needs is pictures. So that’s my other vow – I will carry my camera around and take a picture whenever it suits me. Maybe one of myself every once in a while. We’ll see, that would be pretty reckless!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Welcome

Welcome to the 30 pounds and reckless blog. Let me tell you a little about our start.
I've recently come out a relationship thinking a bit about myself. I'm tired of being boring. Since college, and especially my 30's, the pounds have been creeping on and I've become more and more predictable. I carry my weight, and my life, my mortgage, my boring job, and I need to break out. I need to regain my youth. So (after viewing the Victoria's Secret fashion show, cleverly designed to make all the women in the US completely self-conscious about their own self) I decided something needed to change. So I decided I would lose 30 pounds and become a little more reckless.
Now some would say to become more reckless is a bad idea. In fact, my original idea included the phrase "make some bad decisions". They would say it's irresponsible and bound to destroy my life. I disagree. It's not about destroying life, but discovering it. It's about recognizing who I am and venturing outside my comfort zone. It's about shirking the idea of myself and becoming myself. It's about determining my limitations based on what they actually are and not what I think they might be.
I have a group of friends I can say anything to. I imagined that when I presented this idea to them they may laugh along and think it was a great big joke. But they didn't. They wanted to join me in my quest of sorts. The pounds may vary and the amount of recklessness may vary, but they all wanted the same thing I did. To go back to where they were and make a few reckless decisions. It kind of seems like it might be a do-over of sorts, but a do-over starting where we are now and not where we were then. The idea is highly liberating.
So here's my vow. I will no longer date guys who merely look good on paper. I will date guys who don't initially fit in the picture of who I should be with in my head. I will smile more at people in public, and maybe exchange a few words with them. I'll let my friends and family set me up every once in a while. I will take more road trips. I will say yes when the more appealing option is to stay home and knit on the couch. I will do my hair and makeup more often, and I will buy more sexy clothes (anyone want to go shopping????). I will recognize that how I am perceived is not necessarily who I am. I will order baked potatoes with salsa instead of french fries.
I'm sure I'll come up with more as I go along. This is a journey, so I can't really come up with a complete route before I actually embark. I hope you'll join me.