I think everyone needs a little help...

So I went shopping with my mom the other day up at the outlet mall. She had mentioned that she also wanted to lose some weight before my brother’s wedding in June. She’s always claimed that the only thing that ever really worked for her was weight watchers, so naturally she signed up there again. I got to thinking about it yesterday and I realized there’s no shame in admitting you need help sometimes. If I’m going to be serious about this, if I’m really going to do this, I need to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting that for some reason the results should be different.

So I paypaled over my $53. I know, ouch, especially for a plan that has commercials saying you can sign up for free. Yeah, there’s no sign up fee if you sign up for 3 months, but there’s still a monthly fee that’s like $18. But hell, I’ll spend $18 a month on one meal at a restaurant easily, and that’s exactly what got me into this mess in the first place. I kept track of what I ate yesterday and it really surprised me. For example, a few weeks ago I bought these frozen bagel things with cream cheese inside for breakfast. I could either have half a Marx everything bagel with their yummy lite sun dried tomato cream cheese or I could have 3 cream cheese stuffers for the same amount of points. The difference is, one cream cheese stuffer is like, the size of a ping pong ball. On the upside, fruit and veggies are 0 points (for the most part. I don’t think guac falls into that category though, sadly). So now I have 30 points a day and 49 points for the week, so if I so over my daily points I can tap into my weekly points to make up the difference. And of course, my first day I was soo hungover and as a result, starving, that I went over my points by 4. And yes, I ate some frozen French fries. However, I’m not going to admit defeat so easily, today is another day. Here it is almost 4 and I’m only halfway through my points for the day. I think I’m going to stop at the grocery and pick up a few more veggies and some low fat dairy though, and then hide the good stuff so the boys don’t eat it (ask me where I’ve hidden the jell-o cups J) Monday is my official weigh in day so I’m not going to post my weight any given day of the week, but it was 181 on Friday when the health screening people came into work to tell me I’m “moderately overweight”. Oh, the things I’ll do for $100!

Wendy Update - 27 is a magical number!

I just counted up all of my pants and the grand total (drumroll please . . .) is 27. Of those, 5 fit me right now. They range in size from 22 to 10. I included jeans and slacks - not skirts, capris, or shorts although I have plenty of those, too.

I plan to keep 1 or 2 pairs of the largest size, but throw out the rest as I lose weight (I'll take pictures though). I'll try on the next size down as soon as I get to 225lbs. And despite the fact that I have so many, I'll still probably have to buy some along the way. In some sizes I have only jeans and in other sizes I have only slacks. And in one size I have a pair of bright pink satiny pants. I call them my Britney pants and I am going to ROCK THEM.

-Wendy

Wendy - Post Vacation

Well, I didn't lose any more weight before my vacation . . .

. . . but I road most of the rides anyway. WOOT! Score 1 for recklessness!!

While waiting in one line, I kept looking around and finally said to my hubs, "There are other people in this line who are much bigger than me, right? Everything will be fine. I'll fit in the seats just fine, right??" And he said to me, "Wendy, it's true we both need to lose a few pounds, but you're not an ogre! You'll fit just fine and have lots of fun. Quit worrying!!" After that, I was fine.

It really underscored the fact that I have a totally skewed sense of my body size. When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone, I seem to think I'm much bigger than I really am, but when it comes to buying clothes, I seem to think I'm smaller. *sigh* One of these days my mind will catch up with reality, right?

Now that the holidays and my anniversary vacation is over, I feel like I can get back on track. I can set up a good routine and stick with it.

The fact that I'll be teaching personal training classes this fall will hopefully give me some extra motivation as well. I know a LOT about fitness, but you'd never know it just by looking at me.

I'm also going to try something rather revolutionary for me. I've ALWAYS used weight loss as a measure for fitness. But I think I need to use some other markers to help me keep track. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I have a pretty large collection of pants that don't fit. So, I'm going to put them in size order (and actually compare them side by side so I know they're truly running from largest to smallest) and every couple of weeks I'll try on the next pair until it fits.

In addition to size, I'm going to set some strength goals. Someday I want to be a total badass and do some pull ups and one-arm push ups. Even when I was in the best shape of my life, I still had limited upper body strength. I think it's a good thing to work on.

And finally as some extra motivation, I've already decided on a Halloween costume: Quorra from Tron. I HAVE to get in shape to be able to pull that off!!

On a completely different topic, I've got a new "reckless" project to work on. I haven't been able to knit in a long time due to a hurt wrist. It sucks, but I've decided to find another project to work on as a hobby. I want to design knitting patterns and create either a book or a webzine. I'm thinking webzine is my best bet . . . It's a huge step out of my comfort zone because if it totally fails, it's out there for all to see. But what's life without a little risk, eh?

-Wendy

It’s a slow go…

I realized I really wasn't doing much in this whole "weight loss thing". Simply swapping my fries for a baked potato and still scarfing down a sandwich covered in cheese, mayo, bacon and some sort of creamy sauce isn't going to do much. So I pulled out my weight watchers cookbook I bought a few years ago and have never actually cooked out of and gave it a whirl. The black bean soup I whipped up was tasty, but could use more heat. The apple crumble I made fell short. The apples were yummy, but the topping sucked. I'm not entirely sure I put the right ingredients in but I don't know that I'm going to try to next time. I know I subbed cinnamon for the cardamom because that shit's damn expensive, but the flavor really wasn't the issue here. The scale hasn't moved much but I feel skinnier so we're going to go with that. It took some time for me to put on this weight and now it's going to take some time to get it off.

I wish it was summer. I have so much more fun in the summer. Winter sucks. They don't plow my street like, at all, so I end up wearing the same pair of ugg knock offs everywhere. I want to wear some cute fucking shoes damn it! Plus with the weather I'm just so unmotivated to go out and do anything. I just want to stay at home, catch up on Mad Men, and drink some hot chocolate rumplemintz. I do have a bottle now, though I had to buy it myself. The ex said he was going to buy me a bottle because he polished off my last one by sneaking into the kitchen every once in a while and drinking it straight out of the bottle. Hey, missed that warning sign. He did buy me a new one but then ended up drinking almost the whole bottle the day we went to the football game and he left me there at the stadium by myself. Hey, it was still the 3^rd quarter and although the Bengals were winning there was plenty of time left for them to fuck that up. Funny how those red flag because so much more apparent in hindsight huh?

As for being more reckless I did sign up for online dating since I've entered my hermit phase. I was going to meet up with some guy until he first started calling me a floozy and then referred to me as being easy and that I "needed to wash my mouth before I tried to kiss him." I decided to back out of that one (shocker) and when he figured out why he said just as well, because I probably didn't get his "sense of humor". You'll see I've put it in quotes. My sense of humor is based on making funny, ironic, or sarcastic statements. I have no idea what his sense of humor was based on, because it sure wasn't being funny. And people wonder why I'm single. There are a couple of others but I'm really not all that enthralled with any of them, and that's probably just as well. It may be cynical of me but those you get excited about are usually a huge let-down in person.

Have I ever mentioned I hate the snow? It's hammering us now and I actually have plans to go out and do shit! Snow, please stop, I want to go to happy hour at Embers and dinner at Hofbrauhaus! AND WEAR CUTE FUCKING SHOES! How long is it until spring?

Hello there, again

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in a while. And no, I've realized it's not because I'm lazy (though I totally am). It's because I've really kind of been failing on the 30 lbs and reckless thing. Well, except for the baked potato thing. I have been forgoing my fries for baked potatoes. That's it.

180.4 on the scale this morning. I got a kindle for Christmas and I've downloaded a few books to get my started and I've taken it to the gym a few times and I LURVE it on the elliptical. I can now use my arms and I feel like I'm getting a whole lot more out of it. It's also awesome for my knitting patterns. I just knit a complete Damask Shawl off the thing and it worked wonderfully. It's blocking as we speak, I should be able to get some pics of it soon. I say should instead of will because I'm lazy, remember?

Now the only thing I'm missing for the gym is my iPod. We threw a completely reckless party on New Year's Eve and invited a ton of people, who in turn also invited a few people. We got a case of champagne and cooked up loads of yummy food. Hanky Panks, baked brie, Mexican layer dip, Guac, Skyline dip, Lil' Smokies, and trays of cookies and candies. We set the TV on Dick Clark's NYE, turned an iPod on in the kitchen and set up another iPod in the basement with some beer pong. We passed out mass champagne at midnight and soon after I was situated on the front porch with a glass of champagne and a cigarette in one hand, lighting fireworks and throwing them in the front lawn with the other. The party had dwindled by 4 am and I set up whomever was left with blankets and pillows in various rooms of the house. When I woke up at 12:30ish nothing was left but the mess. I baked up some breakfast casserole and we watched movies on HBO until we felt motivated enough to tackle the mess. The house is back to clean again and the only casualties we found were my extra sheets and comforter that were thrown up on (I am too old for dealing with that crap) and one of my champagne glasses. Or so we thought. I went down yesterday to retrieve my iPod in the basement to head to the gym and it wasn't there. I searched the house, thinking maybe I put it somewhere else and didn't remember but I couldn't find it in any of the normal places I leave it. I figured if it disappeared it was one of Andy's friend's friends who were pretty douchey and spent almost the whole night playing beer pong in the basement. I friended that friend on facebook and then set my status to "My iPod disappeared on New Years. If anyone knows what happened to it I'd really like it back". Well, lo and behold the friend in question immediately emailed me asking what it looked like, and said he'd check with his friends to see if he could track it down. An hour or so later my brother talked with him on the phone. Apparently, one of his friends decided it would be "funny" to steal my iPod and destroy it. I had to put "funny" in quotes because no one else really agreed with that assessment. The guy, Jim, didn't even fess up, one of the other friends called him out. Anyway, Andy's friend insisted that Jim replace my iPod and said he would order a new one and it would be delivered to me. Now here's the actual funny part – my iPod was pretty much top of the line. It's the most expensive classic that you can buy – 160 gb. Basically a $250 mistake. I'm just glad I found out what happened to it and that it's going to be replaced. But it really makes me sad that someone would do that. I mean, I cleaned, I cooked, the boys bought alcohol, and we invited people into our home, and this is what we get? Next year, those asshats can fuck off and spend NYE spending way too much in a shitty bar.

So now it's time to get back on track. No more regressing either in the weight department or the relationship department. Oh yeah, the most recent ex texted me that he bought me a Christmas present. I did not get him one and in fact, I haven't even spoken to him since he said that, which was more than a week ago at this point. I don't even care to receive it. I do still want my yoga pants back though…

Oh, and on a funny side note, I came into work the week after Christmas and found a small wrapped package on my desk with no indication as to who it was from. Inside was a small scented votive candle. I hate anonymous gifts. It just makes you feel weird because you're pretty sure that if the gift was to include romantic overtones that you're probably not going to be reciprocating those feelings. Luckily, I found out later that a couple of other women got them too and that they were most likely from one of the girls here. Thank god, because I can totally see one of the guys on the floor doing something like that. They're all just a little awkward when it comes to women!

So I did manage to go back and get yummy fries. Luckily the bartender I left my number for wasn't there so weirdness was avoided. However, the girl that waited on us gave me the same discount the guy gives me. Hummm, maybe I look bi? I doubt it though!