It’s a slow go…

I realized I really wasn't doing much in this whole "weight loss thing". Simply swapping my fries for a baked potato and still scarfing down a sandwich covered in cheese, mayo, bacon and some sort of creamy sauce isn't going to do much. So I pulled out my weight watchers cookbook I bought a few years ago and have never actually cooked out of and gave it a whirl. The black bean soup I whipped up was tasty, but could use more heat. The apple crumble I made fell short. The apples were yummy, but the topping sucked. I'm not entirely sure I put the right ingredients in but I don't know that I'm going to try to next time. I know I subbed cinnamon for the cardamom because that shit's damn expensive, but the flavor really wasn't the issue here. The scale hasn't moved much but I feel skinnier so we're going to go with that. It took some time for me to put on this weight and now it's going to take some time to get it off.

I wish it was summer. I have so much more fun in the summer. Winter sucks. They don't plow my street like, at all, so I end up wearing the same pair of ugg knock offs everywhere. I want to wear some cute fucking shoes damn it! Plus with the weather I'm just so unmotivated to go out and do anything. I just want to stay at home, catch up on Mad Men, and drink some hot chocolate rumplemintz. I do have a bottle now, though I had to buy it myself. The ex said he was going to buy me a bottle because he polished off my last one by sneaking into the kitchen every once in a while and drinking it straight out of the bottle. Hey, missed that warning sign. He did buy me a new one but then ended up drinking almost the whole bottle the day we went to the football game and he left me there at the stadium by myself. Hey, it was still the 3^rd quarter and although the Bengals were winning there was plenty of time left for them to fuck that up. Funny how those red flag because so much more apparent in hindsight huh?

As for being more reckless I did sign up for online dating since I've entered my hermit phase. I was going to meet up with some guy until he first started calling me a floozy and then referred to me as being easy and that I "needed to wash my mouth before I tried to kiss him." I decided to back out of that one (shocker) and when he figured out why he said just as well, because I probably didn't get his "sense of humor". You'll see I've put it in quotes. My sense of humor is based on making funny, ironic, or sarcastic statements. I have no idea what his sense of humor was based on, because it sure wasn't being funny. And people wonder why I'm single. There are a couple of others but I'm really not all that enthralled with any of them, and that's probably just as well. It may be cynical of me but those you get excited about are usually a huge let-down in person.

Have I ever mentioned I hate the snow? It's hammering us now and I actually have plans to go out and do shit! Snow, please stop, I want to go to happy hour at Embers and dinner at Hofbrauhaus! AND WEAR CUTE FUCKING SHOES! How long is it until spring?

Hello there, again

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in a while. And no, I've realized it's not because I'm lazy (though I totally am). It's because I've really kind of been failing on the 30 lbs and reckless thing. Well, except for the baked potato thing. I have been forgoing my fries for baked potatoes. That's it.

180.4 on the scale this morning. I got a kindle for Christmas and I've downloaded a few books to get my started and I've taken it to the gym a few times and I LURVE it on the elliptical. I can now use my arms and I feel like I'm getting a whole lot more out of it. It's also awesome for my knitting patterns. I just knit a complete Damask Shawl off the thing and it worked wonderfully. It's blocking as we speak, I should be able to get some pics of it soon. I say should instead of will because I'm lazy, remember?

Now the only thing I'm missing for the gym is my iPod. We threw a completely reckless party on New Year's Eve and invited a ton of people, who in turn also invited a few people. We got a case of champagne and cooked up loads of yummy food. Hanky Panks, baked brie, Mexican layer dip, Guac, Skyline dip, Lil' Smokies, and trays of cookies and candies. We set the TV on Dick Clark's NYE, turned an iPod on in the kitchen and set up another iPod in the basement with some beer pong. We passed out mass champagne at midnight and soon after I was situated on the front porch with a glass of champagne and a cigarette in one hand, lighting fireworks and throwing them in the front lawn with the other. The party had dwindled by 4 am and I set up whomever was left with blankets and pillows in various rooms of the house. When I woke up at 12:30ish nothing was left but the mess. I baked up some breakfast casserole and we watched movies on HBO until we felt motivated enough to tackle the mess. The house is back to clean again and the only casualties we found were my extra sheets and comforter that were thrown up on (I am too old for dealing with that crap) and one of my champagne glasses. Or so we thought. I went down yesterday to retrieve my iPod in the basement to head to the gym and it wasn't there. I searched the house, thinking maybe I put it somewhere else and didn't remember but I couldn't find it in any of the normal places I leave it. I figured if it disappeared it was one of Andy's friend's friends who were pretty douchey and spent almost the whole night playing beer pong in the basement. I friended that friend on facebook and then set my status to "My iPod disappeared on New Years. If anyone knows what happened to it I'd really like it back". Well, lo and behold the friend in question immediately emailed me asking what it looked like, and said he'd check with his friends to see if he could track it down. An hour or so later my brother talked with him on the phone. Apparently, one of his friends decided it would be "funny" to steal my iPod and destroy it. I had to put "funny" in quotes because no one else really agreed with that assessment. The guy, Jim, didn't even fess up, one of the other friends called him out. Anyway, Andy's friend insisted that Jim replace my iPod and said he would order a new one and it would be delivered to me. Now here's the actual funny part – my iPod was pretty much top of the line. It's the most expensive classic that you can buy – 160 gb. Basically a $250 mistake. I'm just glad I found out what happened to it and that it's going to be replaced. But it really makes me sad that someone would do that. I mean, I cleaned, I cooked, the boys bought alcohol, and we invited people into our home, and this is what we get? Next year, those asshats can fuck off and spend NYE spending way too much in a shitty bar.

So now it's time to get back on track. No more regressing either in the weight department or the relationship department. Oh yeah, the most recent ex texted me that he bought me a Christmas present. I did not get him one and in fact, I haven't even spoken to him since he said that, which was more than a week ago at this point. I don't even care to receive it. I do still want my yoga pants back though…

Oh, and on a funny side note, I came into work the week after Christmas and found a small wrapped package on my desk with no indication as to who it was from. Inside was a small scented votive candle. I hate anonymous gifts. It just makes you feel weird because you're pretty sure that if the gift was to include romantic overtones that you're probably not going to be reciprocating those feelings. Luckily, I found out later that a couple of other women got them too and that they were most likely from one of the girls here. Thank god, because I can totally see one of the guys on the floor doing something like that. They're all just a little awkward when it comes to women!

So I did manage to go back and get yummy fries. Luckily the bartender I left my number for wasn't there so weirdness was avoided. However, the girl that waited on us gave me the same discount the guy gives me. Hummm, maybe I look bi? I doubt it though!

Setback

183 on the scale today. Is this serious? Did I really eat that much over the weekend? Is the scale just fucking with me? Who knows, but I have my bag packed up and in the car so I can hit the gym after work. I had 3 holiday parties over the weekend so that might be a contributor. Just have to remember that a setback today doesn't mean I should throw up the white flag. I mean, if the US military had given up after every lost battle I probably wouldn't be speaking English today.

I'm not being very reckless lately either. Maybe I'm not making much of an effort. Maybe I'm just a little reckless by nature already? I mean, I do make choices that others don't usually make. I'm definitely more reckless that I used to be. I used to not be able to go anywhere by myself. I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to find the place I was going or that I would miss the people I was going to meet up with. Now I'm fine heading out and even ok with being early and finding a place to hang before my friends arrive. I'm even ok with showing up to brand new events, like golf league or knitting, without knowing a single soul before I go. I feel that I still need to do more though, and I think that I sometimes am going to have to make my own opportunities rather than just taking the more reckless option of the two presented to me.

Still here

So the blog's been a little quiet the last couple of days. I've noticed it's harder to be reckless during the week when you work the normal 9-5 (or 7:30 – 4 as I do). Still flirting with the guy on the floor, need to exercise those muscles. Not that I'm not a huge flirt, I'm just not a very good intentional flirter. And now that he's flirting back I think I've got it down. It's harmless though, I don't get with married men and I don't wreck marriages. I once had a married man tell me he would leave his wife for me, I said absolutely not. First, we didn't have a relationship to start with so who knows if we were even compatible. Second, I can't take that kind of pressure. I mean, it's a lot of pressure on your relationship knowing that someone left a marriage for it. Third, I don't want the other person to have that trump card. You know, when you're arguing or having a disagreement and someone throws out "well, I left my wife(husband) for you!" as a sort of argument to end all arguments. No, if you are unhappy in your marriage, do something about that. Don't use me as an excuse.

As I was leaving for a holiday party last night one of the boys was teasing me, taking on the parenting role, asking if there "was going to be any boys there?" Sadly, except for the wait staff there was none. And yes, I love hanging out with the girls but I need to remember to also do more things that are less segregated as well. Not a huge moment of revelation but something to keep in mind.

Well, I'm taking a half day today to go get my hair done, bake some cookies and make an appetizer for another holiday party (no, there won't be any boys there either!) It's nice to have an afternoon off every once in a while. I need to remember that as well.

Wendy - Day Whatever

I haz posting privlidges - Yay Me!

From 12/7 at 9:30am:

So, I'm sitting here with a head full of curlers. Why? Because today, I'm doing my hair. Good for me. Now, whether it looks good will be determined later. But it's a step forward, right?

Scale said 246.4 this morning. WOOT!!!!! I need to lose some serious poundage before the hubs and I go to Orlando in January. This is the first time in my life that I've ever been worried about being able to comfortably ride rides. That scares the hell out of me. Usually, I shy away from certain roller coasters, because I have a weak stomach and the big drops are scary to me. But if I'm being reckless, then I need to lose the weight and have NO excuses for not stepping out of my comfort zone and taking the plunge (so to speak).

Flashforward to TODAY, 12/9:

My hair looked good. I'll have to curl it more often. :-) I've got a hair appointment set for the end of the month at Aveda so that I have an even better chance of having good looking hair. The cut is just awful right now!!

A note about pants: When you have long legs and a short waist, every pair is "high-water." I sure am sick of that!!! The pants I'm wearing today are particularly bad. *sigh* So, after the holidays, I'm going shopping. I may need my friends with me for moral support. I'm also thinking about making myself some clothes. Then I could customize them abnd they would be a bit cheaper than buying everything new at the store (especially since I'm hoping to lose 100lbs!)

Not much recklessness going on here

The weather is blah and so am I. I managed to at least put on SOME clothes before I left the house, only because I knew it was freezing cold outside. Sat in traffic in the dark to come in.

Why is it when I wake up at 3 am it takes me a half hour or so to fall back asleep but when the alarm goes off at 6:30 I can consistently fall back asleep before my 5 minute snooze goes off again? Horseshit I say.

Not much to update today but I'm doing it anyway because I'm pretty bored at work. I got a mention on my flirting with the cute guy on the floor. For some reason my boss thinks it's the guys on the floor that hold me up, not the other way around. Fine with me that he thinks that! I have realized I'm pretty lucky in life. Basically, I'm not that good of a girl, I just rarely get caught.

I did step on the scale this morning and I'm at the same spot as yesterday. I think once I kick this stupid cold and get rid of the 3 lbs of concrete in my sinuses that will help. I didn't make it to the gym yesterday (I felt wrecked) but I still have stuff in the car to go today. I'll probably just bake some chicken and taters for dinner tonight.

Oh, and watch the Sing Off. I watched it last year and it was awesome, and I'm so glad they did a second season. Yay!


Oh, and one more thing to add. Another reason to be reckless: I went and picked up my BCP last night, and it was a 3 month supply for free! Love it!

I’m not freaking counting the days anymore

I think the most reckless thing I might do today is drive into work. I went to the football game yesterday, and sitting in freezing temps for hours is always a great idea when you're sick. I met up with the ex (since he had the tickets) at his place and we just sat around drinking a couple of beers before his friends finally showed up at like 12:30. Bummer because I really like tailgating. We stopped at his bar (his bar as in where he is a regular, not where he owns the place) and had a drink before heading to the stadium. It only snowed about the whole time we were there. Had a couple of more beers there, and one of the vendors sold me 2 beers for a total of $9 so I scored there. I'm pretty sure he accidentally rang them up as sodas but I sure wasn't going to complain! Anyway, the boys left the game earlier than we did, so we told them we'd just meet them back at the bar. Had another couple of drinks and flirted with a cute guy who happens to also be a regular there. Sadly, not much to be done about that in front of the ex though.

I weighed in this morning at 178. Whoops, bet it was the pizza and the beer and the super delicious French fries. But you have to have a day off every once in a while so I'll just work on getting back on track this week. Speaking of super delicious French fries, I may never get to have them again. I left my number for the cute bartender there who always remembers me and give me free drinks and discounts. I had instigators on that so I've decided if I don't get a phone call that the two of them are going to have to deliver the world's most delicious French fries to me whenever I want them.

I have a feeling this post is going to be badly written and discombobulated. After the game, some food and an hour nap I went to be about 8 pm. And I laid in bed, sleepy but not sleeping, until 1 when I finally decided I was hungry and went downstairs to eat an apple. I decided that the coughing was what was keeping me up so I took some mucinex and drank a glass of water and put on my sleep mask and finally fell asleep about 2. Four and a half hours later my alarm went off. So sick being sick on no sleep makes me really stupid. In fact, I packed up a gym bag for after work (really? I'm going to go to the gym like this? Seriously) and brought into work when I got here. No idea why I felt I needed it at my desk but whatever.

PICTURES! I know, but there's no good way for me to get them into blog posts from work. Unless I send the picture straight to flickr from my phone, I can't upload crap with the bandwidth they have here. Will need to blog more from home.