So he's a bad boy....

So I was watching the Bachelorette last night. No, I have no qualms about my guilty pleasures. I also eat pasta topped with shredded cheese when I'm hungover and there's no mac and cheese in the house (I call it ghetto mac), I am through the current season of Greek, and I even have an assortment of headbands because of my obsession with Blair Waldorf. Anyway, I don't even like this Ashley chick because of her neurotic low self-esteem. Plus the flat belly and tiny petite stature makes me sick... with jealousy. Anyway, what promises to be "the most dramatic season in Bachelorette history" I'm convinced is a total set up.

In case you missed it (which I will scarcely believe you if you claim not to hate to love this show) the drama started before the guys even showed up. Apparently Miss Neurosis got a call from a former castmate "friend" (yeah, right, they all leave there BFF) that one of the guys who was cast for the show was only there to promote his business. First off, his name is Bentley, obviously he's a huge doucher. Secondly, didn't he watch any of the past seasons of the Bachelorette? It didn't work for Wes or Justin, why would it work for him? Thirdly, OF COURSE there was a snake planted in the grass. The producers know what they're doing here, and they know you're not going to watch unless there's some drama that's going to come to a head at some point.

So of course he shows up and she thinks he's gorgeous. I think he looks like a huge doucher. Then he tells her all about his ex-wife and his kid, completely omitting anything about his work. So now she's convinced that he's here for the right reason and proceeds to give him the final rose. Which may or may not have been her decision (remember the not stupid producers here? Pretty sure they get so many picks every week) I hope she's not serious when she's talking about him. I mean, come on, you've been warned. And of course he's not going to mention his work straight off. I mean, yeah, you've also won free airfare to Vegas but they don't tell you until you get there that it's a whole pitch for a timeshare.

So then at the end of the show they show a preview of the rest of the season of the show. The ginormous doucher is going to stay a long time based on the preview. And Miss Damaged Goods is going to get her heart broken again. And of course I'm going to watch the whole season and text with my mom while I watch. But it just brings me back to the same thing.

Why are women so deaf when it comes to relationships? Why do we ignore red flags and warning signals and even straight up blatant advice from the people who love us? Why do we put up with bad behavior and general douchiness just for a relationship? And further, why do we go for the bad boys? Is it the excitement? The drama? Can't we ever just be happy being treated well? Is it possible to be in a relationship with a so-called "good guy" and still have passion?

But thinking about the so-called "good guy" I have some conflicting feelings. I've met a TON of guys who think they are "good guys". They aren't. They delete phone numbers, ignore phone calls, disappear off the face of the earth whenever they feel like it. They believe that just because they haven't done anything to hurt you they're still "good guys". They don't realize that inaction is just as important as action when it comes to relationships.

At least with the bad boy you know what you're getting into.You know he's going to be elusive and probably dick you over at the end so you can prepare for it. You never get duped with a bad boy.

So my brother attempted to introduce one of his newly single friends to a room full of his law school buddies. Whose number did she go home with? Yeah, the bartender. She knows that he's probably a player and that it's nothing serious. Not all self proclaimed "good guys" announce when you first meet them that they smoke too much pot and have anger issues (and yes, one of the law school buddies actually did that).

So I know this blog is generally supposed to be about being reckless and losing weight and crap, not my general musings so I feel that maybe I should tie it in somehow. I think from now on I'm going to stop trying to find an actual good guy because I kind of feel like that really doesn't exist. Why not just have some fun and find a guy who's just good to me?

Blogging from my motherfucking phone... not gonna work...

So it seems I'm not very good at posting regularly. Maybe because work blocked blogger? Or at least the good bits? And I have so much to write about!

So I thought I might try to blog from my phone.  Not so much. Maybe I need an iPhone or something? IDK we'll try to just do it from home. And the whole complication of adding alcohol to the mix might make things more interesting. More confusing maybe, but definitely more interesting.

So I figured since I was losing weight (well, losing and then putting it back on and then losing it again) online maybe I should try dating online. And since I'm not quite sold on the idea I decided to go free and bottom of the barrel.  Yeah, you can figure it out on your own.  Maybe my profile sucks. Maybe it's that I don't care. Maybe my profile sucks because I don't care. Who knows. I feel like maybe all online dating profiles should be written by your ex, or at least your friends. I have no idea how to objectively describe myself, but I think that's ok because I'm pretty sure the porn addict who showers once a week isn't letting that secret go in his profile either.

Well, anyway, I did decide to meet up with someone tonight. Now I may be superficial, but should I try to work through that or should I just accept that for what I am and move on? Sometimes I try but then, maybe, I realize that maybe I'm not being quite superficial and it's just my instincts making excuses for why I'm not into someone. Like, ok, I'm not going to go out with a 5'6" guy. Ever. I'm 5'9" for Christ's sake. But I might be willing to date a 5'10" guy. Unless its a 5'10" guy who's totally into himself and cheap. Then my subconscious might make the excuse that he's too short because it can't come up with the exact reason why I shouldn't go out with this guy. And people think I'm being silly but really I'm just listening to my gut instinct and the only way my stupid conscious can reason it is "too short!!!!" Who knows. And seriously, when you are dating everyone and their mother wants to know why you aren't going out with someone again. Sometimes it's just easier to say they're just too short rather than trying to explain your guts instincts and face opposition.

Now at the same time I feel like I can be quite picky because I am seriously quite superior to other women my age. I'm smart, I can be loyal, I'm honest, and I can cook the shit out of some fucking food. Oh, and I say I'm single because I actually am. I think that puts me light years ahead of most single women my age. Add on the fact that I know that a light year is a measure of distance rather than time and it's quite unbelievable how awesome I am. Now I know, I could stand to lose 30 pounds but that's why weight watchers was invented. I don't see a comparable program for increasing intellect. Someone should really do it. Snooki could be the spokesperson.

So what, keep my pickiness and deal? Lower my standards so be disappointed? Is it wrong to hear a guy say "yes, separate checks" and then immediately pick up the cell to change his display name to "Do Not Answer"? When does it stop being I'm just being me and start being I'm being superficial/silly/defensive?

Wendy - Seriously?! What the hell?!

I haven't posted since January?! Well, let's be honest, I hadn't been trying all that hard to losing the pounds. And I wasn't being all that reckless either . . .

. . . unless you count derby. Even though I'm an official and not yet a skater, it has still be quite out of my comfort zone to put myself out there. I had my picture taken for the website this weekend and I'm so worried that I'll hate them when I see them. I'm just so heavy right now. But I could have declined to have my picture taken. I had a good excuse to get out of it and instead, I went out of my way to make sure that picture got taken.

For weight loss, I decided to go ahead and start weight watchers. I'm not going to meetings, but a friend of mine got me a point calculator and let me borrow her starter materials for awhile. I've been doing this for almost two weeks. In the first week I lost 6 pounds. I've had a few eating set backs this week, but I've managed to stay within my points range, so I'm hopeful for another loss. I'll be weighing myself every Wednesday. I've set up a system of rewards for myself (including lots of mani/pedis because I can get them SOOOO cheaply from the students in the cosmo department at work). My cousin is getting married in 6 weeks. I'm hoping to lose a good chunk of weight before then.

I had a rather weight loss motivating experience at work (although not really in a good way). On my desk is a picture of my husband and I from almost 7 years ago. I was about 70-80lbs lighter at the time. Anyway, the IT guy in my building came into my office to upgrade some software on my computer. He saw the picture and said, "Is that your sister?" because he clearly recognized that it looked like me, but assumed that it wasn't me. Ouch.

It's definitely time for a change.

Getting there...

So I’m about a week and a half into my WW experiment and I’m coming around. At first I was all like, why do I have to pay $53 for 3 months to find out what I already know? Calories in – Calories out = Weight. But it’s working, that’s all I can say. The first week was kind of a bust. About 3-4 days in I was like, this is awesome! Then the weekend happened, and soon after, my first weigh-in day. I was back at 181, where I had started. I had a few choice words for WW at that point, and instantly regretted that $53 loss (that’s sweater quantity yarn there!) but I figured it was money already spent and it wouldn’t kill me to keep on. Well, I can tell you why the scale didn’t register a change. It was pulled pork sandwich for lunch Friday. It was Skyline for dinner Friday (though a small 3 way only has 7 points) It was beer not only Friday, but Saturday and Sunday night too. Indian food for lunch Saturday. Mexican for dinner Saturday. Pizza and chips and CRAP for dinner at a superbowl party (whoo hoo Packers!) Duh.

I have realized one thing though – I’m not going to make any difference by eating out and drinking tons of beer all weekend. Even if I starve myself all week if I just kill it on the weekend, what’s the point? The most important thing, I think, is the eating out. Yeah, a meal here and there isn’t going to kill me. But basically I ate out 6 meals over the weekend (and yes, I’m counting the 5^th meal of Taco Bell Friday night). TOO MUCH! So yesterday I went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner tonight - actually, I’m making dinner for my mom for her birthday. I already plugged the food and drinks into my tracker and yeah, it’s like a days’ worth of points in one meal. Wine and cheesecake don’t help much with the points. But I knew that was going to happen and I planned accordingly – I had a lunch that was only 3 points, instead of heading to Skyline with the guys I went to target and stocked up on light soup, fruit packed in water, and 100 calorie packs of popcorn. According to my scale I’m down 3 pounds this week and I hope to hold on to at least 2 at the end of the weekend. My biggest problem is finding fast and easy low point meals. I don’t think ahead about lunch on the weekend and last night my plans changed so my fast and easy dinner was a take and bake pizza. Whoops. If anyone has any ideas let me know!

I did make this Barbacoa Pork last week and OH MY GOD it was good. It took a few days to make, first because I had to thaw the meat (4 pork roasts for $12 at Costco, score) and then marinate and then put it in the crock pot all day but wow, it was delicious. We had it in tacos with these Cuban Style Black Beans and YUM. The beans weren’t as good as the pork, but I might have failed in the prep. The recipe says to put all the stuff in a small food processor. Well, it was crammed and eventually, to get everything chopped, half of it came out like soup. I think if I make it again I’m going to use the full size food processor I have and also put the cilantro in the end. I think cooking cilantro kind of kills the flavor. I had a ton of pork left over, enough for another couple of meals and it went fast. I nuked it at work with a cup of ready rice and it was sooo delicious. This one is definitely getting made again. But yeah, 3 days of prep isn’t really quick and easy, and I can’t make a ton and keep it on hand because it will get eaten (by the roommates who seemingly hate every other leftover). I’m going to making a few of the recipes on this website, all I’ve found is winners so far and I love that there’s a crockpot section!

Anyway I’m going to go off topic for a bit. As some of you know, I work in a union machine shop in the quality department. Today I learned something new about unions that has been bothering me. The company has decided to dissolve a branch of their business and my location will be taking over. So we’ve been talking about reorganizing the shop and moving new machines and work cells in and hiring new people to deal with the new products we’ll be making. Well, in the next few weeks I’ll be heading to the old facility in MO to help with training new people and the other quality aspects of our new product lines. We’re planning on taking some assemblers so they can learn the process and help build up some “moving inventory” for when we won’t be manufacturing. Apparently, in a union shop, the jobs are divvied up by experience and seniority. So that means if you don’t like the job you have, and another becomes available that is inside your experience range, you can take it. The company cannot put someone else in that position with less seniority over you. Now experience, in this case, is a very general term. People have basically 3 different kinds of experience and that’s it – assembly, weld, or machining. The company does get to decide who is ready to obtain a new level of experience (such as an assembler moving into machining. Machining jobs require more skill and are paid higher) but say someone in assembly wants to do a different type of assembly. Well, it doesn’t really matter what the company wants, if they want that job and they have to most seniority all they have to do is file a grievance and they get it. Of course, you can’t just take a job that isn’t open, but we’ll be having a few jobs open up here in a few months and instead of us putting the new guys in there and leaving the guys who know what they’re doing where they are, we may have to train twice as many people. It just seems like, I don’t know, selfish. And like you wouldn’t have to work so hard. Still bothering me.

I think everyone needs a little help...

So I went shopping with my mom the other day up at the outlet mall. She had mentioned that she also wanted to lose some weight before my brother’s wedding in June. She’s always claimed that the only thing that ever really worked for her was weight watchers, so naturally she signed up there again. I got to thinking about it yesterday and I realized there’s no shame in admitting you need help sometimes. If I’m going to be serious about this, if I’m really going to do this, I need to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting that for some reason the results should be different.

So I paypaled over my $53. I know, ouch, especially for a plan that has commercials saying you can sign up for free. Yeah, there’s no sign up fee if you sign up for 3 months, but there’s still a monthly fee that’s like $18. But hell, I’ll spend $18 a month on one meal at a restaurant easily, and that’s exactly what got me into this mess in the first place. I kept track of what I ate yesterday and it really surprised me. For example, a few weeks ago I bought these frozen bagel things with cream cheese inside for breakfast. I could either have half a Marx everything bagel with their yummy lite sun dried tomato cream cheese or I could have 3 cream cheese stuffers for the same amount of points. The difference is, one cream cheese stuffer is like, the size of a ping pong ball. On the upside, fruit and veggies are 0 points (for the most part. I don’t think guac falls into that category though, sadly). So now I have 30 points a day and 49 points for the week, so if I so over my daily points I can tap into my weekly points to make up the difference. And of course, my first day I was soo hungover and as a result, starving, that I went over my points by 4. And yes, I ate some frozen French fries. However, I’m not going to admit defeat so easily, today is another day. Here it is almost 4 and I’m only halfway through my points for the day. I think I’m going to stop at the grocery and pick up a few more veggies and some low fat dairy though, and then hide the good stuff so the boys don’t eat it (ask me where I’ve hidden the jell-o cups J) Monday is my official weigh in day so I’m not going to post my weight any given day of the week, but it was 181 on Friday when the health screening people came into work to tell me I’m “moderately overweight”. Oh, the things I’ll do for $100!

Wendy Update - 27 is a magical number!

I just counted up all of my pants and the grand total (drumroll please . . .) is 27. Of those, 5 fit me right now. They range in size from 22 to 10. I included jeans and slacks - not skirts, capris, or shorts although I have plenty of those, too.

I plan to keep 1 or 2 pairs of the largest size, but throw out the rest as I lose weight (I'll take pictures though). I'll try on the next size down as soon as I get to 225lbs. And despite the fact that I have so many, I'll still probably have to buy some along the way. In some sizes I have only jeans and in other sizes I have only slacks. And in one size I have a pair of bright pink satiny pants. I call them my Britney pants and I am going to ROCK THEM.

-Wendy

Wendy - Post Vacation

Well, I didn't lose any more weight before my vacation . . .

. . . but I road most of the rides anyway. WOOT! Score 1 for recklessness!!

While waiting in one line, I kept looking around and finally said to my hubs, "There are other people in this line who are much bigger than me, right? Everything will be fine. I'll fit in the seats just fine, right??" And he said to me, "Wendy, it's true we both need to lose a few pounds, but you're not an ogre! You'll fit just fine and have lots of fun. Quit worrying!!" After that, I was fine.

It really underscored the fact that I have a totally skewed sense of my body size. When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone, I seem to think I'm much bigger than I really am, but when it comes to buying clothes, I seem to think I'm smaller. *sigh* One of these days my mind will catch up with reality, right?

Now that the holidays and my anniversary vacation is over, I feel like I can get back on track. I can set up a good routine and stick with it.

The fact that I'll be teaching personal training classes this fall will hopefully give me some extra motivation as well. I know a LOT about fitness, but you'd never know it just by looking at me.

I'm also going to try something rather revolutionary for me. I've ALWAYS used weight loss as a measure for fitness. But I think I need to use some other markers to help me keep track. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I have a pretty large collection of pants that don't fit. So, I'm going to put them in size order (and actually compare them side by side so I know they're truly running from largest to smallest) and every couple of weeks I'll try on the next pair until it fits.

In addition to size, I'm going to set some strength goals. Someday I want to be a total badass and do some pull ups and one-arm push ups. Even when I was in the best shape of my life, I still had limited upper body strength. I think it's a good thing to work on.

And finally as some extra motivation, I've already decided on a Halloween costume: Quorra from Tron. I HAVE to get in shape to be able to pull that off!!

On a completely different topic, I've got a new "reckless" project to work on. I haven't been able to knit in a long time due to a hurt wrist. It sucks, but I've decided to find another project to work on as a hobby. I want to design knitting patterns and create either a book or a webzine. I'm thinking webzine is my best bet . . . It's a huge step out of my comfort zone because if it totally fails, it's out there for all to see. But what's life without a little risk, eh?

-Wendy

It’s a slow go…

I realized I really wasn't doing much in this whole "weight loss thing". Simply swapping my fries for a baked potato and still scarfing down a sandwich covered in cheese, mayo, bacon and some sort of creamy sauce isn't going to do much. So I pulled out my weight watchers cookbook I bought a few years ago and have never actually cooked out of and gave it a whirl. The black bean soup I whipped up was tasty, but could use more heat. The apple crumble I made fell short. The apples were yummy, but the topping sucked. I'm not entirely sure I put the right ingredients in but I don't know that I'm going to try to next time. I know I subbed cinnamon for the cardamom because that shit's damn expensive, but the flavor really wasn't the issue here. The scale hasn't moved much but I feel skinnier so we're going to go with that. It took some time for me to put on this weight and now it's going to take some time to get it off.

I wish it was summer. I have so much more fun in the summer. Winter sucks. They don't plow my street like, at all, so I end up wearing the same pair of ugg knock offs everywhere. I want to wear some cute fucking shoes damn it! Plus with the weather I'm just so unmotivated to go out and do anything. I just want to stay at home, catch up on Mad Men, and drink some hot chocolate rumplemintz. I do have a bottle now, though I had to buy it myself. The ex said he was going to buy me a bottle because he polished off my last one by sneaking into the kitchen every once in a while and drinking it straight out of the bottle. Hey, missed that warning sign. He did buy me a new one but then ended up drinking almost the whole bottle the day we went to the football game and he left me there at the stadium by myself. Hey, it was still the 3^rd quarter and although the Bengals were winning there was plenty of time left for them to fuck that up. Funny how those red flag because so much more apparent in hindsight huh?

As for being more reckless I did sign up for online dating since I've entered my hermit phase. I was going to meet up with some guy until he first started calling me a floozy and then referred to me as being easy and that I "needed to wash my mouth before I tried to kiss him." I decided to back out of that one (shocker) and when he figured out why he said just as well, because I probably didn't get his "sense of humor". You'll see I've put it in quotes. My sense of humor is based on making funny, ironic, or sarcastic statements. I have no idea what his sense of humor was based on, because it sure wasn't being funny. And people wonder why I'm single. There are a couple of others but I'm really not all that enthralled with any of them, and that's probably just as well. It may be cynical of me but those you get excited about are usually a huge let-down in person.

Have I ever mentioned I hate the snow? It's hammering us now and I actually have plans to go out and do shit! Snow, please stop, I want to go to happy hour at Embers and dinner at Hofbrauhaus! AND WEAR CUTE FUCKING SHOES! How long is it until spring?

Hello there, again

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in a while. And no, I've realized it's not because I'm lazy (though I totally am). It's because I've really kind of been failing on the 30 lbs and reckless thing. Well, except for the baked potato thing. I have been forgoing my fries for baked potatoes. That's it.

180.4 on the scale this morning. I got a kindle for Christmas and I've downloaded a few books to get my started and I've taken it to the gym a few times and I LURVE it on the elliptical. I can now use my arms and I feel like I'm getting a whole lot more out of it. It's also awesome for my knitting patterns. I just knit a complete Damask Shawl off the thing and it worked wonderfully. It's blocking as we speak, I should be able to get some pics of it soon. I say should instead of will because I'm lazy, remember?

Now the only thing I'm missing for the gym is my iPod. We threw a completely reckless party on New Year's Eve and invited a ton of people, who in turn also invited a few people. We got a case of champagne and cooked up loads of yummy food. Hanky Panks, baked brie, Mexican layer dip, Guac, Skyline dip, Lil' Smokies, and trays of cookies and candies. We set the TV on Dick Clark's NYE, turned an iPod on in the kitchen and set up another iPod in the basement with some beer pong. We passed out mass champagne at midnight and soon after I was situated on the front porch with a glass of champagne and a cigarette in one hand, lighting fireworks and throwing them in the front lawn with the other. The party had dwindled by 4 am and I set up whomever was left with blankets and pillows in various rooms of the house. When I woke up at 12:30ish nothing was left but the mess. I baked up some breakfast casserole and we watched movies on HBO until we felt motivated enough to tackle the mess. The house is back to clean again and the only casualties we found were my extra sheets and comforter that were thrown up on (I am too old for dealing with that crap) and one of my champagne glasses. Or so we thought. I went down yesterday to retrieve my iPod in the basement to head to the gym and it wasn't there. I searched the house, thinking maybe I put it somewhere else and didn't remember but I couldn't find it in any of the normal places I leave it. I figured if it disappeared it was one of Andy's friend's friends who were pretty douchey and spent almost the whole night playing beer pong in the basement. I friended that friend on facebook and then set my status to "My iPod disappeared on New Years. If anyone knows what happened to it I'd really like it back". Well, lo and behold the friend in question immediately emailed me asking what it looked like, and said he'd check with his friends to see if he could track it down. An hour or so later my brother talked with him on the phone. Apparently, one of his friends decided it would be "funny" to steal my iPod and destroy it. I had to put "funny" in quotes because no one else really agreed with that assessment. The guy, Jim, didn't even fess up, one of the other friends called him out. Anyway, Andy's friend insisted that Jim replace my iPod and said he would order a new one and it would be delivered to me. Now here's the actual funny part – my iPod was pretty much top of the line. It's the most expensive classic that you can buy – 160 gb. Basically a $250 mistake. I'm just glad I found out what happened to it and that it's going to be replaced. But it really makes me sad that someone would do that. I mean, I cleaned, I cooked, the boys bought alcohol, and we invited people into our home, and this is what we get? Next year, those asshats can fuck off and spend NYE spending way too much in a shitty bar.

So now it's time to get back on track. No more regressing either in the weight department or the relationship department. Oh yeah, the most recent ex texted me that he bought me a Christmas present. I did not get him one and in fact, I haven't even spoken to him since he said that, which was more than a week ago at this point. I don't even care to receive it. I do still want my yoga pants back though…

Oh, and on a funny side note, I came into work the week after Christmas and found a small wrapped package on my desk with no indication as to who it was from. Inside was a small scented votive candle. I hate anonymous gifts. It just makes you feel weird because you're pretty sure that if the gift was to include romantic overtones that you're probably not going to be reciprocating those feelings. Luckily, I found out later that a couple of other women got them too and that they were most likely from one of the girls here. Thank god, because I can totally see one of the guys on the floor doing something like that. They're all just a little awkward when it comes to women!

So I did manage to go back and get yummy fries. Luckily the bartender I left my number for wasn't there so weirdness was avoided. However, the girl that waited on us gave me the same discount the guy gives me. Hummm, maybe I look bi? I doubt it though!