So he's a bad boy....

So I was watching the Bachelorette last night. No, I have no qualms about my guilty pleasures. I also eat pasta topped with shredded cheese when I'm hungover and there's no mac and cheese in the house (I call it ghetto mac), I am through the current season of Greek, and I even have an assortment of headbands because of my obsession with Blair Waldorf. Anyway, I don't even like this Ashley chick because of her neurotic low self-esteem. Plus the flat belly and tiny petite stature makes me sick... with jealousy. Anyway, what promises to be "the most dramatic season in Bachelorette history" I'm convinced is a total set up.

In case you missed it (which I will scarcely believe you if you claim not to hate to love this show) the drama started before the guys even showed up. Apparently Miss Neurosis got a call from a former castmate "friend" (yeah, right, they all leave there BFF) that one of the guys who was cast for the show was only there to promote his business. First off, his name is Bentley, obviously he's a huge doucher. Secondly, didn't he watch any of the past seasons of the Bachelorette? It didn't work for Wes or Justin, why would it work for him? Thirdly, OF COURSE there was a snake planted in the grass. The producers know what they're doing here, and they know you're not going to watch unless there's some drama that's going to come to a head at some point.

So of course he shows up and she thinks he's gorgeous. I think he looks like a huge doucher. Then he tells her all about his ex-wife and his kid, completely omitting anything about his work. So now she's convinced that he's here for the right reason and proceeds to give him the final rose. Which may or may not have been her decision (remember the not stupid producers here? Pretty sure they get so many picks every week) I hope she's not serious when she's talking about him. I mean, come on, you've been warned. And of course he's not going to mention his work straight off. I mean, yeah, you've also won free airfare to Vegas but they don't tell you until you get there that it's a whole pitch for a timeshare.

So then at the end of the show they show a preview of the rest of the season of the show. The ginormous doucher is going to stay a long time based on the preview. And Miss Damaged Goods is going to get her heart broken again. And of course I'm going to watch the whole season and text with my mom while I watch. But it just brings me back to the same thing.

Why are women so deaf when it comes to relationships? Why do we ignore red flags and warning signals and even straight up blatant advice from the people who love us? Why do we put up with bad behavior and general douchiness just for a relationship? And further, why do we go for the bad boys? Is it the excitement? The drama? Can't we ever just be happy being treated well? Is it possible to be in a relationship with a so-called "good guy" and still have passion?

But thinking about the so-called "good guy" I have some conflicting feelings. I've met a TON of guys who think they are "good guys". They aren't. They delete phone numbers, ignore phone calls, disappear off the face of the earth whenever they feel like it. They believe that just because they haven't done anything to hurt you they're still "good guys". They don't realize that inaction is just as important as action when it comes to relationships.

At least with the bad boy you know what you're getting into.You know he's going to be elusive and probably dick you over at the end so you can prepare for it. You never get duped with a bad boy.

So my brother attempted to introduce one of his newly single friends to a room full of his law school buddies. Whose number did she go home with? Yeah, the bartender. She knows that he's probably a player and that it's nothing serious. Not all self proclaimed "good guys" announce when you first meet them that they smoke too much pot and have anger issues (and yes, one of the law school buddies actually did that).

So I know this blog is generally supposed to be about being reckless and losing weight and crap, not my general musings so I feel that maybe I should tie it in somehow. I think from now on I'm going to stop trying to find an actual good guy because I kind of feel like that really doesn't exist. Why not just have some fun and find a guy who's just good to me?

Blogging from my motherfucking phone... not gonna work...

So it seems I'm not very good at posting regularly. Maybe because work blocked blogger? Or at least the good bits? And I have so much to write about!

So I thought I might try to blog from my phone.  Not so much. Maybe I need an iPhone or something? IDK we'll try to just do it from home. And the whole complication of adding alcohol to the mix might make things more interesting. More confusing maybe, but definitely more interesting.

So I figured since I was losing weight (well, losing and then putting it back on and then losing it again) online maybe I should try dating online. And since I'm not quite sold on the idea I decided to go free and bottom of the barrel.  Yeah, you can figure it out on your own.  Maybe my profile sucks. Maybe it's that I don't care. Maybe my profile sucks because I don't care. Who knows. I feel like maybe all online dating profiles should be written by your ex, or at least your friends. I have no idea how to objectively describe myself, but I think that's ok because I'm pretty sure the porn addict who showers once a week isn't letting that secret go in his profile either.

Well, anyway, I did decide to meet up with someone tonight. Now I may be superficial, but should I try to work through that or should I just accept that for what I am and move on? Sometimes I try but then, maybe, I realize that maybe I'm not being quite superficial and it's just my instincts making excuses for why I'm not into someone. Like, ok, I'm not going to go out with a 5'6" guy. Ever. I'm 5'9" for Christ's sake. But I might be willing to date a 5'10" guy. Unless its a 5'10" guy who's totally into himself and cheap. Then my subconscious might make the excuse that he's too short because it can't come up with the exact reason why I shouldn't go out with this guy. And people think I'm being silly but really I'm just listening to my gut instinct and the only way my stupid conscious can reason it is "too short!!!!" Who knows. And seriously, when you are dating everyone and their mother wants to know why you aren't going out with someone again. Sometimes it's just easier to say they're just too short rather than trying to explain your guts instincts and face opposition.

Now at the same time I feel like I can be quite picky because I am seriously quite superior to other women my age. I'm smart, I can be loyal, I'm honest, and I can cook the shit out of some fucking food. Oh, and I say I'm single because I actually am. I think that puts me light years ahead of most single women my age. Add on the fact that I know that a light year is a measure of distance rather than time and it's quite unbelievable how awesome I am. Now I know, I could stand to lose 30 pounds but that's why weight watchers was invented. I don't see a comparable program for increasing intellect. Someone should really do it. Snooki could be the spokesperson.

So what, keep my pickiness and deal? Lower my standards so be disappointed? Is it wrong to hear a guy say "yes, separate checks" and then immediately pick up the cell to change his display name to "Do Not Answer"? When does it stop being I'm just being me and start being I'm being superficial/silly/defensive?

Wendy - Seriously?! What the hell?!

I haven't posted since January?! Well, let's be honest, I hadn't been trying all that hard to losing the pounds. And I wasn't being all that reckless either . . .

. . . unless you count derby. Even though I'm an official and not yet a skater, it has still be quite out of my comfort zone to put myself out there. I had my picture taken for the website this weekend and I'm so worried that I'll hate them when I see them. I'm just so heavy right now. But I could have declined to have my picture taken. I had a good excuse to get out of it and instead, I went out of my way to make sure that picture got taken.

For weight loss, I decided to go ahead and start weight watchers. I'm not going to meetings, but a friend of mine got me a point calculator and let me borrow her starter materials for awhile. I've been doing this for almost two weeks. In the first week I lost 6 pounds. I've had a few eating set backs this week, but I've managed to stay within my points range, so I'm hopeful for another loss. I'll be weighing myself every Wednesday. I've set up a system of rewards for myself (including lots of mani/pedis because I can get them SOOOO cheaply from the students in the cosmo department at work). My cousin is getting married in 6 weeks. I'm hoping to lose a good chunk of weight before then.

I had a rather weight loss motivating experience at work (although not really in a good way). On my desk is a picture of my husband and I from almost 7 years ago. I was about 70-80lbs lighter at the time. Anyway, the IT guy in my building came into my office to upgrade some software on my computer. He saw the picture and said, "Is that your sister?" because he clearly recognized that it looked like me, but assumed that it wasn't me. Ouch.

It's definitely time for a change.

Getting there...

So I’m about a week and a half into my WW experiment and I’m coming around. At first I was all like, why do I have to pay $53 for 3 months to find out what I already know? Calories in – Calories out = Weight. But it’s working, that’s all I can say. The first week was kind of a bust. About 3-4 days in I was like, this is awesome! Then the weekend happened, and soon after, my first weigh-in day. I was back at 181, where I had started. I had a few choice words for WW at that point, and instantly regretted that $53 loss (that’s sweater quantity yarn there!) but I figured it was money already spent and it wouldn’t kill me to keep on. Well, I can tell you why the scale didn’t register a change. It was pulled pork sandwich for lunch Friday. It was Skyline for dinner Friday (though a small 3 way only has 7 points) It was beer not only Friday, but Saturday and Sunday night too. Indian food for lunch Saturday. Mexican for dinner Saturday. Pizza and chips and CRAP for dinner at a superbowl party (whoo hoo Packers!) Duh.

I have realized one thing though – I’m not going to make any difference by eating out and drinking tons of beer all weekend. Even if I starve myself all week if I just kill it on the weekend, what’s the point? The most important thing, I think, is the eating out. Yeah, a meal here and there isn’t going to kill me. But basically I ate out 6 meals over the weekend (and yes, I’m counting the 5^th meal of Taco Bell Friday night). TOO MUCH! So yesterday I went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner tonight - actually, I’m making dinner for my mom for her birthday. I already plugged the food and drinks into my tracker and yeah, it’s like a days’ worth of points in one meal. Wine and cheesecake don’t help much with the points. But I knew that was going to happen and I planned accordingly – I had a lunch that was only 3 points, instead of heading to Skyline with the guys I went to target and stocked up on light soup, fruit packed in water, and 100 calorie packs of popcorn. According to my scale I’m down 3 pounds this week and I hope to hold on to at least 2 at the end of the weekend. My biggest problem is finding fast and easy low point meals. I don’t think ahead about lunch on the weekend and last night my plans changed so my fast and easy dinner was a take and bake pizza. Whoops. If anyone has any ideas let me know!

I did make this Barbacoa Pork last week and OH MY GOD it was good. It took a few days to make, first because I had to thaw the meat (4 pork roasts for $12 at Costco, score) and then marinate and then put it in the crock pot all day but wow, it was delicious. We had it in tacos with these Cuban Style Black Beans and YUM. The beans weren’t as good as the pork, but I might have failed in the prep. The recipe says to put all the stuff in a small food processor. Well, it was crammed and eventually, to get everything chopped, half of it came out like soup. I think if I make it again I’m going to use the full size food processor I have and also put the cilantro in the end. I think cooking cilantro kind of kills the flavor. I had a ton of pork left over, enough for another couple of meals and it went fast. I nuked it at work with a cup of ready rice and it was sooo delicious. This one is definitely getting made again. But yeah, 3 days of prep isn’t really quick and easy, and I can’t make a ton and keep it on hand because it will get eaten (by the roommates who seemingly hate every other leftover). I’m going to making a few of the recipes on this website, all I’ve found is winners so far and I love that there’s a crockpot section!

Anyway I’m going to go off topic for a bit. As some of you know, I work in a union machine shop in the quality department. Today I learned something new about unions that has been bothering me. The company has decided to dissolve a branch of their business and my location will be taking over. So we’ve been talking about reorganizing the shop and moving new machines and work cells in and hiring new people to deal with the new products we’ll be making. Well, in the next few weeks I’ll be heading to the old facility in MO to help with training new people and the other quality aspects of our new product lines. We’re planning on taking some assemblers so they can learn the process and help build up some “moving inventory” for when we won’t be manufacturing. Apparently, in a union shop, the jobs are divvied up by experience and seniority. So that means if you don’t like the job you have, and another becomes available that is inside your experience range, you can take it. The company cannot put someone else in that position with less seniority over you. Now experience, in this case, is a very general term. People have basically 3 different kinds of experience and that’s it – assembly, weld, or machining. The company does get to decide who is ready to obtain a new level of experience (such as an assembler moving into machining. Machining jobs require more skill and are paid higher) but say someone in assembly wants to do a different type of assembly. Well, it doesn’t really matter what the company wants, if they want that job and they have to most seniority all they have to do is file a grievance and they get it. Of course, you can’t just take a job that isn’t open, but we’ll be having a few jobs open up here in a few months and instead of us putting the new guys in there and leaving the guys who know what they’re doing where they are, we may have to train twice as many people. It just seems like, I don’t know, selfish. And like you wouldn’t have to work so hard. Still bothering me.

I think everyone needs a little help...

So I went shopping with my mom the other day up at the outlet mall. She had mentioned that she also wanted to lose some weight before my brother’s wedding in June. She’s always claimed that the only thing that ever really worked for her was weight watchers, so naturally she signed up there again. I got to thinking about it yesterday and I realized there’s no shame in admitting you need help sometimes. If I’m going to be serious about this, if I’m really going to do this, I need to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting that for some reason the results should be different.

So I paypaled over my $53. I know, ouch, especially for a plan that has commercials saying you can sign up for free. Yeah, there’s no sign up fee if you sign up for 3 months, but there’s still a monthly fee that’s like $18. But hell, I’ll spend $18 a month on one meal at a restaurant easily, and that’s exactly what got me into this mess in the first place. I kept track of what I ate yesterday and it really surprised me. For example, a few weeks ago I bought these frozen bagel things with cream cheese inside for breakfast. I could either have half a Marx everything bagel with their yummy lite sun dried tomato cream cheese or I could have 3 cream cheese stuffers for the same amount of points. The difference is, one cream cheese stuffer is like, the size of a ping pong ball. On the upside, fruit and veggies are 0 points (for the most part. I don’t think guac falls into that category though, sadly). So now I have 30 points a day and 49 points for the week, so if I so over my daily points I can tap into my weekly points to make up the difference. And of course, my first day I was soo hungover and as a result, starving, that I went over my points by 4. And yes, I ate some frozen French fries. However, I’m not going to admit defeat so easily, today is another day. Here it is almost 4 and I’m only halfway through my points for the day. I think I’m going to stop at the grocery and pick up a few more veggies and some low fat dairy though, and then hide the good stuff so the boys don’t eat it (ask me where I’ve hidden the jell-o cups J) Monday is my official weigh in day so I’m not going to post my weight any given day of the week, but it was 181 on Friday when the health screening people came into work to tell me I’m “moderately overweight”. Oh, the things I’ll do for $100!

Wendy Update - 27 is a magical number!

I just counted up all of my pants and the grand total (drumroll please . . .) is 27. Of those, 5 fit me right now. They range in size from 22 to 10. I included jeans and slacks - not skirts, capris, or shorts although I have plenty of those, too.

I plan to keep 1 or 2 pairs of the largest size, but throw out the rest as I lose weight (I'll take pictures though). I'll try on the next size down as soon as I get to 225lbs. And despite the fact that I have so many, I'll still probably have to buy some along the way. In some sizes I have only jeans and in other sizes I have only slacks. And in one size I have a pair of bright pink satiny pants. I call them my Britney pants and I am going to ROCK THEM.

-Wendy

Wendy - Post Vacation

Well, I didn't lose any more weight before my vacation . . .

. . . but I road most of the rides anyway. WOOT! Score 1 for recklessness!!

While waiting in one line, I kept looking around and finally said to my hubs, "There are other people in this line who are much bigger than me, right? Everything will be fine. I'll fit in the seats just fine, right??" And he said to me, "Wendy, it's true we both need to lose a few pounds, but you're not an ogre! You'll fit just fine and have lots of fun. Quit worrying!!" After that, I was fine.

It really underscored the fact that I have a totally skewed sense of my body size. When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone, I seem to think I'm much bigger than I really am, but when it comes to buying clothes, I seem to think I'm smaller. *sigh* One of these days my mind will catch up with reality, right?

Now that the holidays and my anniversary vacation is over, I feel like I can get back on track. I can set up a good routine and stick with it.

The fact that I'll be teaching personal training classes this fall will hopefully give me some extra motivation as well. I know a LOT about fitness, but you'd never know it just by looking at me.

I'm also going to try something rather revolutionary for me. I've ALWAYS used weight loss as a measure for fitness. But I think I need to use some other markers to help me keep track. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I have a pretty large collection of pants that don't fit. So, I'm going to put them in size order (and actually compare them side by side so I know they're truly running from largest to smallest) and every couple of weeks I'll try on the next pair until it fits.

In addition to size, I'm going to set some strength goals. Someday I want to be a total badass and do some pull ups and one-arm push ups. Even when I was in the best shape of my life, I still had limited upper body strength. I think it's a good thing to work on.

And finally as some extra motivation, I've already decided on a Halloween costume: Quorra from Tron. I HAVE to get in shape to be able to pull that off!!

On a completely different topic, I've got a new "reckless" project to work on. I haven't been able to knit in a long time due to a hurt wrist. It sucks, but I've decided to find another project to work on as a hobby. I want to design knitting patterns and create either a book or a webzine. I'm thinking webzine is my best bet . . . It's a huge step out of my comfort zone because if it totally fails, it's out there for all to see. But what's life without a little risk, eh?

-Wendy